Hot Meat

by Nick Robertshaw

Chorus: Hot meat, hot meat, it's the only thing to eat, The meal to satisfy you from your head down to your feet. The carrot and the cucumber they simply can't compete With nature's finest pleasure, Hot Meat, Hot Meat.

Miss Wilkie had an appetite that could not be denied, For vegetables and fruits had left her quite unsatisfied, A yearning empty space that needed filling up inside With something warm and firm and thick, so this is what she tried:

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So she went to see the Butcher, a man of great renown. His meat was recommended by the hungriest girls in town. It was so plump and juicy it was famous through the land, So she thrilled with great excitement when he put it in her hand.

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He said, “For very best results, don't boil it in a pot, But lard it very carefully and handle it a lot, And you must preheat your oven, and when it's good and hot, Just pop it in and baste it well with all the juice you've got.”

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Well, she followed all the recipe and cooked it half the night, And the meal so satisfied her that she cried out in delight, But when she took it from her oven, she observed with great surprise That she must have overdone it for it had shrunk to half its size.

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So to every girl and woman, spinster, widow, bride, and wife, If you want the finest pleasures from this fleeting earthly life, A lovely snoozly feeling, a smug and happy grin, A misty light within your eyes and gravy on your chin!

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